A visit with Pablo Escobar
In this week’s excerpt from Controlling Chaos we’ll have a fun visit with Pablo Escobar. After learning that my girlfriend Missy is running for Governor of Chaos, Pablo volunteers to help with the campaign financing. . .in return for a favor.
In bed that night, Missy said, “I thought our dreams were sketchy, Huck, but President of Colombia? Your friend Pablo is quite the dreamer.”
“If you’re gonna dream, why not dream big?”
“Hmm. . .so you’re saying I should run for president?”
“Wow, that was a huge leap, but sure, why not? You’d be good for America.”
“I would, wouldn’t I? Too bad Chaos isn’t a state.”
“Well, keep dreaming, you never know.”
We woke up to find an ostrich looking in our window.
“Can you imagine living in a place like this?” asked Missy.
“It’s a little ostentatious.”
“A little?”
“I’d settle for a private island in the tropics. It’d be like my own country and I wouldn’t have to deal with bothersome elections and silly drug laws.”
“So, a more modest dream?”
“I’m a humble man.”
“I wonder what Pablo has in mind.”
“If it’s you becoming a bonus wife, please say no.”
“Are you kidding? And give all this up? Ow. . .”
“Oops. Did my elbow accidentally bump you?”
“Where’s your sense of humor?”
“I don’t know. Guess it’s sulking around here somewhere. Probably feels a little insecure.”
“I’m just kidding, Huck. Who needs all this stuff? Hippos? Lions? Dinosaurs? What is he? A repressed zookeeper?”
“Why don’t you ask him that?”
“I will!” she lied.
Greeting us from the patio, Pablo said, “Did you sleep well?”
“Like babies,” answered Missy.
“So, Missy, you like my place, no?”
“Who wouldn’t? It’s incredible. Although the armed guards everywhere are a little spooky.”
Pablo turned to a minion, “Chopo, stop aiming that at our guests.” Turning back to Missy, he asked, “Better?”
“Much. I guess it must be dangerous here in Colombia.”
“Why do you ask?”
“Really?”
“Oh, you mean the small army of mercenaries that guard my every move?”
“Them, and the ones surrounding your airstrip, your lakes, our room. . .”
“It’s just that I want you to feel comfortable.”
Pablo had no sense of irony.
“After breakfast, we will talk about your campaign. Would you like to shoot a zebra to work up an appetite?”
“Thanks, but no. I enjoy animals more while they’re alive.”
“I understand. They are beautiful creatures, no? Don’t worry, we have other targets.”
I pictured kidnapped members of a rival cartel. Missy may have, too, because she said, “To tell you the truth, I’m famished. Let’s eat.”
An hour later, Pablo brought up the reason he invited her. “As you know, I am interested in Chaos, Missy. I’d like to see you become governor.”
“I appreciate that, Pablo. Although I am concerned about your motivation.”
“Ah, yes. And rightly so. The thing is, your territory, Stinky Hollow in particular, is ideal for smuggling contraband.”
“I see that as a blessing and a curse.”
Pablo nodded. “I understand. Things did get a little out of control last year, what with that plane blown from the sky and the two of you involved in a firefight. I don’t imagine you are used to that.”
“You’re right about that. I’m an environmental lawyer, not a bigshot master criminal like you.”
Pablo smiled at the compliment. “Why not be both?”
“Becoming the governor of Chaos is enough for me.”
“You don’t want to be President?”
“I didn’t even want to be governor until recently.”
“I don’t hear a no,” teased Pablo.
Missy smiled. “Your pal Señor Bueno thinks I’d make a good one.”
Pablo poured us each a glass of champagne and proposed a toast. “To our future as presidents!”
I hope you enjoyed the excerpt and if you haven’t already grabbed a free copy of Turning On, what are you waiting for?