With the holidays over, I’m grinding away at the laptop, cranking out the stories. I was pleased with the recent great news in California. Pot is legal there! Finally. It’s been a long time since my peers and I started our philanthropic mission to change the world with better marijuana. And just like the first moon landing, it’s a giant leap for mankind. Well, a good start, anyway. Which reminds me of a conversation I had with Neil Armstrong at Cape Kennedy so many years ago. The details are a little fuzzy, but I’ll do my best.
As I recall, Neil was an all right guy, but he tended to brag. “Just think, Mikey, my mission is finally at hand. What a great day for America!”
Neil’s space helmet seemed to expand. I rolled my eyes to bring him down to Earth. “Check your ego, Neil.”
“What? Being on TV is not a big deal?”
“Take it easy. Don’t get all defensive.”
“What’s your mission?” he scoffed. “If you even have one.”
“Well, I’m still in school, but I want to change the world as soon as I get out. Not just, ahem, leave it for a multi-billion-dollar vacation at taxpayers’ expense. No offense.”
He took some anyway. “And just how would you do that? You gonna save the world from communism like your folks?”
“Please, Neil, there’s no need for spite.”
“Sorry, Mikey, I take it back. Nixon’s got me all stressed out.”
“He’s got everyone all stressed out. To answer your question, I plan to have bigger plans.”
“That seems a little vague.”
“Doesn’t it? I admit I haven’t fine-tuned my vision yet, but whatever I do, it will have nothing to do with communists and a lot to do with getting high.”
“I get it, you want to be an astronaut like me,” said Neil, preening, admiring my vision, trying to pat himself on the back. It was impossible to do in his spacesuit so I had to do it for him.
“Not that kind of high,” I hinted, lighting up a doobie.
“Ah, that is a noble goal. I’m sure your parents will be proud of you.”
We both cracked up at that one. Neil had a good sense of humor for an astronaut.
“Well, it may be one small step for man, but hey, if everyone gets high? It’ll be a giant leap for mankind!”
Neil smiled, rolled his eyes. “Everyone grooving on pot, huh?” Not a stoner, he seemed a little skeptical. “Can you picture your Uncle Dick stoned?”
We looked towards the evil despot. Catching his sneer, I waved the joint, offering to expand his worldview. Nixon frowned and shook his jowls. Then pointed his finger and ratted me out to some Secret Service guys. Finishing the doobie in three quick tokes, I swallowed the evidence.
“Hey, Mikey,” said Neil, “they want me to say a few words when I land on the moon. You mind if I paraphrase your giant leap comment? Makes a killer sound bite.”
“Paraphrase? Not a direct quote? Because that’d be a great way to get the good word about weed out. You could unfurl a marijuana-leaf flag!”
Neil chuckled. “Sorry. I’ll probably have to leave out the part about getting high.”
“Are you kidding? People will think you meant the giant leap was landing on the moon.”
“I know, I know.”
“Well, why would you leave out the most important part?”
He nodded over his shoulder at a dark presence.
“Oh yeah, Uncle Dick. Right. He’d fire your ass on the spot.”
“Probably leave me right there on the moon.”
We cracked up at the thought of Neil stranded on the moon, waving the marijuana-leaf flag at the departing moon lander, yelling, “Hey, fellas, wait. Aren’t you forgetting something?”
If you liked this excerpt from my first novel Breaking Good, be sure to read the whole book if you haven’t already. And if you have, be sure to read my other books (High In The Andes, The Machu Picchu Blues, Kona Gold, and Weird Trips) for more insane misadventures! They’re all available at Amazon and all the other booksellers.