I’ve been having a blast revising the upcoming Maui Wowee for you and laughing out loud as I do. If you’ve been to Maui, you’ll recognize a lot of the scenes in my story. And if you like my writing, you’re gonna love this book.
I’ll be posting excerpts from the book and enticing images of Maui. I planned to start today, but I just got a call from Melania Trump, and since everyone is wondering why she hasn’t been seen in three weeks, I felt it only fair to share what I know. Our connection was sketchy, so I’ll have to do my best with her end of the call.
“Hi, Mikey. Long time, no see.”
I couldn’t see her face, but I liked what I could see,and I’d recognize that accent anywhere.
“Howzit, Melania. People have been saying the same thing about you. No one has seen you in three weeks. Are you okay.? I know you had that kidney thing.”
“I’m not just okay, I’ve never been better.”
“That’s great. There have been a lot of questions.”
“Oh, really? Has my husband been calling? I know he suspects us after we, well, you know what I mean.”
“He’s been calling, but not about you. Are you sure he knows you’re gone?”
After a sigh, Melania said, “Someone in his staff has probably mentioned it by now.”
“Well, I wanna know where you are. Also, why you’re wearing that sexy astronaut outfit. So does the rest of America. Give me a scoop I can share with my readers.”
“Fine. Tell everyone I can’t take it anymore. I’ve run away.”
“Really?”
“Yes, and tell my husband I’m with a better billionaire.”
“Aw man, he won’t like that.”
“Tough.”
“If I tell him that, he’ll ask who you’re with and where you are.”
“Let me look out the window. Right now we are over the Sea of Tranquility.”
“But…that’s on the moon.”
“That’s right, Mikey,” said a much deeper, self-satisfied voice.
“Jeff Bezos? Is that you?”
“Well, it’s not that slacker Elon Musk. He’s only got twenty billion.”
“Right. He’s a veritable pauper.”
“Exactly, and Melania only wants the best billionaire. Which is why she’s with me on my spaceship. Also, because I kidnapped her.”
“Not that I put up any fight,” said Melania. “Not after Jeff showed me his tax returns. Something Donald refused to do.”
“I’ll teach that orange-haired tyrant to mess with Amazon. Who does he think he is?”
“He’s the unhinged guy who can have your spaceship shot out of the sky, that’s who he is.”
“Oh, shit, you’re right. Hey, you won’t tell him, will you?’
“Gee, I don’t know…what’s it worth to you?”
“Name a number. I’m prepared to be generous.”
“Okay. Fifty billion in unmarked bills.”
“Not that number.”
“I’m just kidding, Jeff. I’m no rat. That’s against the outlaw code.”
“Whew, good. I owe you one, Señor Bueno. Let me cut you a check for a billion. Is that enough?”
“Please, Jeff, I can’t take your money for being honorable. That’s also against the code.”
“You’ve gotta let me do something nice for you.”
,”In that case,why don’t you make the upcoming Maui Wowee a number one best-seller when it comes out.”
“Come on, Señor Bueno. I may be the richest man ever born, but I can’t perform miracles.”
So, there you have it. Melania will soon be back from outer space, and I’ll still be an unknown author counting on you to help my books become cult classics. Sorry for the pressure, but God knows they won’t go mainstream. In fact, t’ll take some cool and helpful people to make the cult thing happen. If that sounds like you, make sure to join my upcoming Maui Wowee Launch Team and get a free ARC. I’ll let you know in a future post, so stay tuned.